


There's Something To Be Said About Courage

by Leoporidae_Lagomorpha



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Family, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 20:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3353960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leoporidae_Lagomorpha/pseuds/Leoporidae_Lagomorpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a point in Usopp's life when he's torn between lying or crying and he's not sure which is more painful to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's Something To Be Said About Courage

**Author's Note:**

> This is my opsecretvalentine for Shii! I hope you like it!

Nobody ever had to tell Usopp that life wasn't fair. That was something he learned young, too young really. Something he was taught along with loneliness and loss. It's not fair that his mother's dead, it's not fair that his father left, it's not fair that he has to sit in the house alone at night, but it's not anything he can change. These are facts and it doesn't matter if he cries, it's doesn't matter if he whines because his father abandoned them and then his mother died and Usopp was abandoned for a second time. So he's alone when he first learns that life isn't fair, but that's okay, he can still hope that one day, a pirate ship will come to bay and his father will be there and he'll take him away from all this empty solitude, some day.

Usopp learns that you have to give a lot to get anything in return. That sympathy doesn't last long and sometimes it's easy to be forgotten. That simply existing doesn't mean you deserve attention, that wanting to be loved doesn't mean you earn it, that you can long for pity as much as pride. He can pinpoint the moment sad momentary smiles became a substitute for his mother's kindness, the moment they stopped appearing at all, when the villagers stopped mourning and Usopp was the only one still wearing black for his mother's soul. So like that passing shallow sympathy Usopp starts to fade.

What was a child becomes a shadow, something you can pass by on the street without giving it a second glance. Attention turns into something he craves, but with nothing to deserve it and nothing to earn it Usopp turns to the make believe instead. His truths are too tragic, his reality to abysmally similar to every orphaned child, he's just another kid. Another kid with bad luck, that's all he is. He's nothing special, not really. Usopp learns this young and if there are no truths he wants to tell then he can tell lies instead.

What started as an exercise in bringing some joy to his mother's bedside becomes twisted. The stories, the tall tales larger than life so massive in their complexity they can block out some of the absurdity of his miserable existence.

It's fun at first, a sure fire way to turn heads his way. An easy distraction from self-pity. It's easy and it's more amusing than spending the day staring lamely out to sea, hoping to see a Jolly Roger flying on the horizon. If he brags loudly enough he can hardly hear the desperation that underlines everything he says.

_He's the great captain Usopp conqueror of all the Blues with eight thousand followers at his command!_

It has a better ring to it than: Usopp the lonely boy living without a family. It starts as something harmless because Usopp's not trying to hurt anyone, he just wants a little recognition. What he doesn't realize then is that words are a weapon and even though he isn't using them to harm doesn't mean that he won't. Nobody escapes unscathed. Words, Usopp learns, are a double edged sword and what he hurts the most in the end is his own credibility.

After a while, people don't even bother to believe him and what stings the most, what makes him tremble helplessly, is that they don't pretend to listen anymore. He's not worth their time, he never was, it seems.

\----

Kaya changes everything

When he first sees her, hanging out of her window, pretty face twisted in despair and looking like an angel that fell from heaven. Mysterious and ethereal, tears in her eyes and blonde hair framing her face, she is a perfect picture of pale tragedy. When Usopp looks at her, he sees a reflection of himself in the lines of her misery. He thinks of all the nights spent on his own, of the time spent arranging the flowers on his mother's tombstone and he wants to alleviate some of her suffering, the way no one did for him. He wants to see her lips twist in a smile instead of a frown, so he runs from her garden, gives her the privacy to mourn on her own this time. He returns the next day with the tale of one of his greatest adventures, he leaves with a name and a tentative smile.

_Kaya._

\----

Scaling the tree to Kaya's bedroom window becomes an exercise in familiarity and before long they establish a routine. It's something that makes the hours roll by and if he can make her laugh it'll make his day. The thing about Kaya is that she's kind of amazing. She's funny, smart and incredibly kind. She's much too good to bother with him really, but she does and that's a little terrifying.

He doesn't like the way people tip toe around her, too frail and sickly to ever leave the confines of her room and Usopp knows better than that. He knows that she's strong, much stronger than people see, but they treat her like glass and it saddens him because Kaya actually believes it.

Looking back at it now, Usopp knows that he what he'd been doing wasn't completely selfless. He'd wanted someone to believe him, someone to listen, to rely on him and Kaya had been a golden opportunity for him. It's a little sickening actually. All he'd really needed was some validation and all Kaya had wanted was someone to treat her like a human being, not her illness. It was a perfect match really. She'd seen through him though, had caught onto his lies from the very beginning. He'd been a fool not to see it, or perhaps he'd been doing what he does best and covered the truth he could plainly see before his eyes.

\----

That slap brought him back down to reality.

"You're pathetic."

It rang in his ears, loomed over him, crushed his soul, left a mark on his confidence, shameful like his stinging cheek and the worst thing is that she was absolutely right. Nothing is more pathetic than a liar and that's exactly what he is. A liar and he may have been a kind deceiver, but it doesn't really change the fact that he's the only one to blame for the distrust people have in what he says.

Kuro's scheme and the pirate attack certainly sound like the kind of inane blather that would spill from his lips. The fact of the matter is that Usopp's dug his own grave. He renounced the privilege of people's trust in his words when the lies became pathology. He shouldn't feel like crying but he does. He shouldn't even complain at all, it's been his own doing from the start.

\----

So it's one think to be a coward and it's another to admit it. Usopp knows he's a coward. He knows he isn't brave, or at least not suicidal like Luffy and Zoro.

Those two, well those two are insane. Totally and completely insane. Zoro is one thing, hard muscles, bloody bandages and three very sharp, very dangerous swords. There's no way to deny that this man (who's only a few years older than him) isn't a demon. He's got the brutal aura, this swagger to his walk that speaks of utmost confidence. It's something that he can envy. This genuine strength the other man emanates. Who bloody and battered continues to defend a village he has no attachment to for the sake of his own pride. It makes Usopp's heart quiver in his chest.

Then there's Luffy. Luffy makes Usopp's mind bend in ways he isn't exactly comfortable with. Luffy is this grin in an old straw hat with fists that fly like windmills and a dream that's gonna carry him millions of miles. Luffy does exactly as he says, lives rough like sea water, wrecks apart reality just for the hell of it and in Luffy's words Usopp has never seen more shinning sincerity. It's like seeing all this world shaking power surge out of a guy who can't really be much older than him. It's crazy.

Nami is terrifying. She's sneaky and smart. Clever in this very sly way that makes shiver run down his spine. She's strong, not monstrously like the other two, but she knows how to make her way in life. Is ruthless and gorgeous and really, really dangerous. She's something else entirely, something he's never even met before the three of them pulled up to the island. She holds herself high, hands on her hips, she looks like a war General, shouting orders and bashing skulls.

It makes his knees weak and his palms sweaty because these people, these monsters, they're the kind of people he's only ever dreamed of being. They're all living breathing ideals, daytime fantasies embodied. He feels out of his depth, dizzy, drowned in their supernova bright glow. It's like experiencing a revolution first hand makes something deep inside him turn like a coin tosses high in the air and he feels as though he's being sliced in half before he hits the ground. He's being swept away in this adrenaline fuelled insanity.

\----

Kaya gives them a ship, the smallest show of gratitude she says she can give. She's so kind, so sweet, but that's just how she's always been. Usopp's come to terms with the fact that he needs to leave. That he can't just spend all his time sitting on a cliff waiting for his father to come get him, no Usopp's gotta go find him. He can't just cower in fear, no now he has to become the sea faring Captain he's always claimed to be.

The invitation to climb onboard is life changing. It's the opportunity he didn't dare contemplate. They pull him up by the straps of his pack and Usopp not sure if he wants to cry or lie and he's not sure which scares his less. He's taken on a huge task, trying to keep up with them. He's gonna do his best. These incredible people have decided to take him, they've accept him even knowing that he's a liar and coward. They've called him brave. So yeah, Usopp ready to be courageous. He's ready to say goodbye, his mother gives him her blessing. She lets him finally follow his dream. Usopp's going now, he knows he'll miss it, but there's always a chance to come back home another day and as long as he remembers that, then it's okay.


End file.
